Posts tagged mugging

Day 39. Animals eaten: 28.

No new creatures eaten this week. Yes yes, shoot me in the face with a massive gun, etc. Actually there’s a very good reason behind this which will make you feel very guilty, so just you wait for that.

My friend Ben who lives in my house despite not actually being a housemate there had his friends down on Wednesday of which several had understandably had their balls blown away by how exciting and innovative my project is. One of them, called Ryan, seemed most taken by the idea and even gave me a handy link on boar sausages. You’ll recognize Ryan if you ever meet him, because he has very nice hair.

Anyway it was during this discussion mention of the fact that apparently a photo included in my last post (I just lost the game for that) of my pheasant heart didn’t upload properly, as I am having to do all this on a library laptop which may as well be built out of string and sequins and dried raisins and have “Comquter” scrawled along the bottom in crayon. It’s quite an amazing picture of the sort of autopsies I have to eat so I thought I’d have a shot at posting it again:

That may, or knowing my luck, may not, have worked. Whatever, I’m not uploading it again, if you can’t see it just imagine what you look like inside if it’s all spilling out into the outside and you’ll gather an idea.

Getting back to Wednesday, I was rather taken by all this fuss so proceded to get obliteratively drunk and the upshot of this all is that I began talking to some rather disreputable gentlemen who then beat me up and stole my phone. My iPhone. My iPhone FOUR. WITH ALL THE ‘FRUIT NINJA’ BLADES!!

So yes, whilst those chavs have ran off merry with my phone to boast proudly about it to their sisters who they’re probably screwing, I have had to put eating all the meats on the backburner whilst I’ve been at the hospital and the police station and all kinds of fun administrative enforcement buildings. I fortunately have a new phone now, but 3 side-effects still prevail:

1. Photos of the bleeding wrecks of animals I take from now on will probably be even blurrier than the smudged fugs they are already. 2. For a short while my blog posts will probably be a bit more pissed off. 3. I now have even less money than before to spend on different breeds of dinner.

On a lighter note, the prison riot in my bowels has subsided, if only for the present. I can also only pray that the trio of dickless musketeers that nabbed my phone are suitably scared shitless that they appear to have ticked off someone so mental that their phone is entirely full of photographs of meats. That’d be nice.

Anyway, I will push on, the hunter-gatherer that I am, and should proudly present to you a rodent platter within a week or two. Or, if my bad luck snowballs as it has been doing, the next you will see of me will be a hostage video of me in Ukraine having my toes cut off. Whatever happens, you’ll get a laugh, so that’s the important thing.

mattcrose17@aol.com